Day by day, year by year, everyone gets older. While this is an exciting thing for most, to grow and learn every day, it is not an idea that I’m fond of. Growing up signifies change, which is something that I have always hated. Since I was young I’ve never been one who wanted to get older. 

I remember when I thought my biggest enemy in life was going to middle school. Going to middle school was one of the biggest realizations that I had grown up a little bit. When I went to 6th grade orientation with my mom, I forced her to walk around the school for longer than necessary, because it was the most nervous I had ever been to attend school. After a few months into my sixth grade school year, I had adjusted and everything ended up being fine. 

I had a comfortable life once again for three years until it was the end of eighth grade. Then it was time to go to high school. My freshman orientation was probably my worst schooling experience yet. I was legitimately sick from being so nervous and stressed, and I was so upset that I was finally entering high school. While most people say it is the best four years of my life, I never was excited for high school. To me, high school signified getting old. When I was younger, the most I was ever going to age was to high school and I had never imagined my life after that. 

Now I am feeling similar feelings about growing up as I approach the middle to the end of my senior year. I have been working on my college applications and scheduling my college visits, and I am not excited to go to college. This is a time to explore what you want to do when you grow up and live independently from your parents, but to be honest, I am interested in neither of those things. Also, as someone who wants to go to college out of state, my fear grows larger every single day. Being away from my parents is probably the biggest sign of growing up that I have encountered. 

Just recently, I went on my first college visit out of state. It was an amazing experience, but it only heightened my fear of getting older and encountering more troubles that I will be expected to handle on my own. Being so far away from my parents makes it so I have to be able to handle my own responsibilities. A lot of which I have always leaned on my parents to help and guide me with. Being so far away makes their help less accessible whenever I need it. 

Growing up is seen as a gift to most people. People love their birthday and they love getting to experience new things, but this has never been my thing. Every day I grow older, I get more nervous for the future, which I think is unrecognized by society. If it was up to me, I would be a teenage girl forever because it is my most comfortable state.