For the majority of my high school career, I avoided being alone at all costs. Whether I did this by physically being around other people or distracting myself from my thoughts, in the process of trying to avoid feeling and being perceived as lonely, I lost sight of something just as important. I’m sure my discomfort with being alone is not unusual. Being alone used to make me feel disconnected from the world around me, leading me to distract myself with social media or binge-watch TV shows. Both of which were unproductive for me and left me feeling worse. So while I truly believe that building relationships with other people is one of the most rewarding things I do and I love hanging out with my friends and family, I’ve also discovered that it’s just as important to have a good relationship with yourself. Through my time working on this, I’ve become more confident, gained a better sense of self, and become more productive. In my opinion, learning to be okay with being by myself and doing things on my own is the single most important thing I’ve learned throughout high school.
Most of my unease with being alone stemmed from two unique factors.
The first was my insecurities about how people would view me if I did things on my own. This only really began my sophomore year of high school because that was when I got my license and had the opportunity to do things alone. Before I got my license, I had big dreams of what I would do with it when the day I achieved true independence came. But to my dismay, after receiving it, I felt a strange anxiety to go out into the world without the comfort of someone else by my side. For a long time, I truleved that if someone saw me doing something alone, they would assume I was unlikable and people didn’t want to be around me. Looking back on this, it’s silly to think about how anxious I was about random people’s opinions, especially considering no one is paying that much attention to other people anyway. Once I got past the fear of going out and doing things alone, my life felt way more free. I no longer needed to wait for someone to be available to go places with me; I could just go. Of course, I have more fun going with others, but going alone causes me no anxiety. My biggest advice to someone who struggles with being okay with going places and doing things alone is just to do it whenever you can until it isn’t scary anymore. I’ll admit it’s very simple and obvious advice, but truly the most effective.
The second factor was much harder for me to overcome. It was the discomfort I felt with being alone with my thoughts, emotions, and fears. Starting back in middle school I began watching copious amounts of Netflix, not the usual one or two episodes a night but seven hours a night from when I got home from school to when I went to bed. I can recognize this now as me distracting myself from the insecurities that most people inevitably pick up somewhere around middle school. In all honesty, I can’t remember much from middle school so I cannot offer anything more profound than that on the topic. However, I can acknowledge that this started a very unhealthy cycle of me constantly needing to be distracted from myself. When I downloaded TikTok in the eighth grade I found that it could keep me even more distracted because I only had to pay attention to videos for a few seconds. To be clear I’m not blaming Netflix or TikTok for making me lose my sense of self. I still use both of them. I’ve just learned moderation. Somewhere around the middle of sophomore year I recognized that what I was doing was unhealthy and deleted TikTok and started journaling. I now know these were two of the most important factors in me getting out of a 5-year slump and getting to know myself better in the process. Along with journaling, I replaced T.V. shows and TikTok with books and movies. Books and movies allowed me to contemplate more and the way I felt about them began to tell me more about who I was as a person. This was one of the factors that led to me loving movie review writing as much as I do in a way it combines my love of movies with my love of journaling. Getting to know myself better has in turn made me much more secure and content with myself. Making me a happier person overall.
All this being said, I truly believe that learning to be okay with being alone is one of the most important things I’ve ever learned and will continue to serve me for the rest of my life. If I could offer any advice to someone reading this now it would be even if you’re an extreme extrovert and you know you’re never going to truly enjoy going places alone or being alone with your thoughts find a way to become neutral with the idea. In my opinion, one of if not the most important relationships we have is with ourselves. Taking time to be alone and nurture this relationship allows you to get to know and love yourself. Which in turn makes you a happier human being and one that more people want to be around. So in a way embracing solitude makes you less likely to ever be truly alone.
